Is Relaxing Really That Hard? by Dr. Ee’a Jones ~ June 2021

Is Relaxing Really That Hard? by Dr. Ee’a Jones ~ June 2021

I recently read an article in Psychology Today (June 2021) discussing why relaxing is so hard. At first glance, I thought the same thing. I have never really thought about it being hard per se. But I do realize everyone is different and reaching a sense of calm takes a certain amount of effort.

Some people have too many thoughts or worries to relax or to even take it seriously when they try to relax. Sometimes it is a matter of will power and a person cannot motivate himself or herself to try a relaxing technique. Also keep in mind, a person may really try to find a sense of calm and the techniques they use do not work successfully.

I went on to read the article in Psychology Today (June 2021) and found I was thinking along the same lines. The article mentions “a hyperstimulating world where intrusion is the default”  and “ calm “has to be actively sought” out now. There is also mention of how our body lacks a “sense of security” and is “poised for defense, vigilant for threats whether real or imagined”. Whew!  There’s quite a bit to unpack there but I’ll be brief. (p. 38)

The basic idea is that we have so many things going on in our households, on the job, in the news, and with our extended family and friends that you forget about focusing on yourself.  The article does mention feeling guilty about focusing on yourself as well.  That is where the work comes in.  You must find a balance because the guilt can bring on more anxiety and worry.  Our bodies function better when it is not in a fight or flight mode. Having too much stress keeps your body in that state, and I liked the mention of “…threats whether real or imagined”.  People are good at creating a worst-case scenario in his or her head. Nothing has happened yet! Be aware of when you start to do this so you can make a conscious effort to redirect your thoughts to something more positive. Back in January 2021, I wrote a mini blog entitled, Question Your Thoughts ( Now would be a good time to use that Socratic method of questioning your thoughts so you know if what you are thinking is realistic or not.

The article goes on to list a plethora of coping skills for your use. Check out the article for further detail (see reference below). You’ll be able to view cognitive-emotional coping skills, steps to curb anxiety, deep breathing technique, and ways to help your child to relax. Do yourself a favor and reclaim relaxation.  With work and consistency, you can generate an overall sense of calm in your life. You deserve it!


The Cost of Calm: Why Relaxing is So Much Work. (June 2021). Psychology Today, 38–43, 60–61.

Jones, E. (2021). Question Your Thoughts. Retrieved on May 1, 2021, from

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About Dr. Ee'a Jones 45 Articles
Dr. Ee’a Jones is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and Georgia. She has worked in the mental health field since 1992. She has been working with children, adolescents, adults and families since that time doing casework, case management, counseling, and diagnosis of mental illness. Dr. Jones has spent a great deal of her time educating those families on how to care for themselves as well as their loved ones. Peaceful Living Counseling and Consulting Services provides counseling and consulting services, and immigration evaluations. Other services include LPC supervision, and editing/proofreading of papers, theses, and dissertations. Dr. Jones is also available for speaking engagements.

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